Managing my emotions

Date 7 December 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
The more I delve into my neurological impairments, the more I become demoralised. There is no doubt I got a raw deal. Since all feelings, emotions and dreams stem from the cerebral cortex and mine is extensively damaged, I can’t feel my emotions. Instead, I work with my intuition and…
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My emotional deficits

Date 4 December 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
Due to the nature of my cerebral palsy and the damage around my cerebral cortex, I know I am more mentally and emotionally disabled, than I am physically. The cerebral cortex controls both motor function and emotions, and in my case my motor skills and physical disability are relatively mild.…
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Another piece of the jigsaw

Date 3 December 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
I’m still learning. While it’s 7 years since I found out about cerebral palsy, I haven’t stopped looking for answers on my neurological issues, in those 7 years. With a little help from Claudia, who is in her final year studying Psychology at St Andrew’s University, we have now pieced…
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My immature thinking

Date 29 November 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
Age is not always a guarantee of maturity and for me it’s absolutely true. I would love to write a different blog about maturity, of the things that make me emotionally mature, but my reality is that although I have physically grown, my thinking hasn’t matured with it. Through my…
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Not knowing gave me hope

Date 26 November 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
It is hard to imagine how not knowing about a diagnosis can give you hope, but for me, that is just what it did. I lived with hope, hope in the belief that I would get better and that whatever was wrong with me would right itself. I was comforted…
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My Cerebral Cortex injury

Date 22 November 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
There are still parts of the jigsaw that I’m trying to piece together with regard to my Cerebral Cortex injury. I continue to have to note my symptoms, then equate those symptoms back to how those symptoms play out through neurological impairments, to work out the answers. Sounds simple ...
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Recognising my achievements

Date 17 November 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
Although as a child I was never given credit, recognition or valued and this led to a lack of self-worth and confidence, my problem is more complicated than that because I deal with neurological issues. My most significant achievement to date is The CP Diary and yet sadly, I cannot…
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A letter to my Cerebral Palsy

Date 13 November 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
When we deal with a physical problem, it’s important we learn to embrace and accept our physical limitations, so that we’re okay with them. As a form of acceptance, I thought I would write a letter to my cerebral palsy. This is how it went. Thank you, Cerebral Palsy, for…
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A sense of purpose

Date 7 November 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
Growing up not knowing I had Cerebral Palsy has given me a sense of purpose, a purpose to find out what was wrong with me and a sharpened purpose of my need to know and understand my childhood experiences, so that I could finally bring truth to them. It is…
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Time to heal

Date 3 November 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
Yesterday I woke up to what was the beginning of a new world and one that I don’t recognise, because of the US election results. I’m not sure how we ever got to this place, it all seems a little hazy now. Given Trump’s divisive and nasty election campaign with…
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Not fitting in

Date 2 November 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
There’s a Kurt Cobain quote that goes: "They laugh at me because I’m different; I laugh at them because they’re all the same." For me dealing with a physical condition meant I didn't fit in, but children are cruel that way. Unless they’re taught how to accept and live amongst…
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Overcoming my challenges

Date 29 October 2016
Author Ilana Estelle
I had a tendency to give up on things as a child, and I never understood why until now, but that didn’t stop others thinking I was lazy. There was a reason for my behavioural pattern, so that lets me off the hook. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop my flaws from…
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