I came to terms with the fact that I was different a long time ago. I didn’t know why I was, because nothing was ever said. I knew I had a bad leg and foot. But everything else was off limits. As a deep thinker as a child, I would while away the hours looking at the way I responded to mental stimuli. Fast forward to my early 20’s and still not knowing I had a disability, those thoughts about difference and the mental stimuli never went away.
It wasn't just something you could 'see'
Although things weren’t obvious because the symptoms were mild. I was continually irritated because I knew something was wrong that it wasn’t just about what you could see physically. Everything was ignored. Fast forward to my late forties and with a diagnosis, I could for the first time understand I had a disability – and that had something to do with what I thought about how I presented mentally. Whatever my symptoms were, I always saw them as something to be embraced, rather than something I need to challenge or change, but it didn't stop others challenging or trying to change me.
Generalised Anxiety Disorder
Living with a learning disability and also having generalised anxiety disorder has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to navigate. Growing up, anxiety was a constant companion – so much so that it became my normal. Through the years, I’ve come to understand more about myself. I was told by the specialist who diagnosed cerebral palsy that autism (newly diagnosed) is linked to OCD that I also present with. Although none of this has been straightforward, I continue to find ways to cope.
ADHD Could also Explain Some of my Symptoms
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, (“ADHD”) could explain my restlessness and my inability to stick and follow things through. It was particularly true for me as a child, because I was regularly being criticised for starting tasks and not completing them – and for my lack of concentration.
Conclusion
When it comes to any form of disability, it is harmful for others to assume without knowing. It is important to know the facts and not assume. 'My Story' is testament to that.
It doesn't sound like you grew up in an environment where anything out of the ordinary was ever questioned, especially any of your autism issues.
I find it amazing that any parent would knowingly ignore their child's issues, instead of just tackling them head on. I know things were a lot different back in the 60's and 70's, but that doesn't change the facts of what both of us went through when there wasn't any valid or logical reason to.
People may wonder why we we're so angry and emotional at times, but they didn't have to suffer for as many years as we did, not fully understanding what was going on.
You have been such a great inspiration to me. I know that I should get busy writing too, since I also have a lot to say.
That's kind Randy. I'm pleased what I write helps you too. Yes, it's a parent's job to protect their children, but the human condition is flawed and parents may not always escape that. But as parents we must always try.
Now through my own research and understanding my life, I have come to understand what I didn't know or understand as a child.
It doesn't make what was done right, or take away responsibility from those who should have protected me, but it does help me understand and emotionally move on.
I must have been around 14 to 15 years old, when I remember telling myself that if I was ever lucky enough to have children, I would do things differently and I have.
It's so important not to bottle our thoughts or experiences up however we can.
Randy, thank you. You have said everything I would have said.
Yes, it's lovely when our thoughts come together and we concur what the other person thinks.
Whatever our parents do it is important we change and parent differently. The sins of the parents and that's absolutely true, but it's still no excuse.
It doesn't help future generations if what we've had done to us, is repeated with our children. However hard it is and it is hard, we must try to parent differently.
Children aren't asking for model parents, they simply want us to care and show that we do.