"Autism allows me to see the world in black and white. I see the good, the bad, and the uncomfortable truths exactly as they are – without distortion or sugar-coating. Where others may overlook or excuse certain realities, I recognise them for what they are.

While some may give others the benefit of the doubt, I see when someone has been wronged or when credit is truly deserved. But regardless of how we perceive the world, it’s important to acknowledge reality and adapt accordingly.

We often cling to the familiar rather than face someone’s wrongdoings, because change can be uncomfortable. But when the mind plays tricks, we must be clear on people’s intent – that matters. Intent is what defines good character. If someone’s intent doesn’t align with good character, we shouldn’t overlook it or make excuses for them."

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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2 comments on “Holding a Candle to Someone”

  1. I think seeing things in black and white can be an advantage, particularly where a person's character is concerned. To see through the veneer is always a good thing.

    I am done with looking up to people. I spent far too much time doing that and it proved to be on the other person's terms, and I don't think he cared much for me anyway.

    We shouldn't feel obliged to hold a candle as you say, but to judge someone on their actions and words instead.

    1. Agreed. Sadly those people don't change and don't think they need to change, it's usually us who must. It's all about control.

      I have spent a lifetime trying to avoid those type of people, but when it happens with family it's not that easy.

      It's particularly important we get past people's rhetoric. It's time to stop giving people the benefit of doubt on their intentions and judge them instead on their actions and words.

      We'd feel happier, our lives would be better and we would feel more at ease with ourselves.

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