One of the most difficult things I have had to come to terms with is the realisation that I have been living with a disability I didn’t know I had. I keep circling back to this, because discovering it later in life has been painful.
It explains my struggles over the years – as though I was failing, rather than someone failing me.
It has forced me to look back on parts of my life, realising I was navigating challenges without the support or recognition that would have helped me to cope and living with parental choices that were made for me that have brought me to this place.
Anxiety, depression, and loneliness also relate to my life and the loss of my twin. Her life has shaped my path. What remains has carried a weight that I live with every day that I'm having to come to terms with.
Grief makes everyday life feel heavier. My trauma over the decades has built over time. Living with challenges I didn't know I had and discovering a disability late is part of that trauma.
Trauma, loss, and identity are deeply connected – they continue to shape how I see the world and myself within it. Learning to live with all of that, while still carrying the challenges, is part of my ongoing search for healing. It is why I continue to write.
