It’s only when children become independent and begin to live their own lives that we as parents look back at our own life and either look back at those memories fondly, or come to realise how bad our life has really been.
I have never chosen to live my life through my children, just because I didn’t have the opportunity to have my own positive experiences, my life is my life, but I still can’t seem to help looking back. I think what's true is that we want and crave for what we didn’t have, particularly when we see that others have it.
On the days where I feel strong and in control, these thoughts don’t come to mind, but unfortunately today isn’t one of them. I’ve felt better.
I have had those kind of days, when I feel like I missed on something because of the way I was raised or because of my disability.
Whenever I see how close someone is with their family, I wish I had that when I was growing up and in the present time too. It didn't happen in the past and it seems like it's never going to happen in the present, so I am learning to be at peace with it.
All I can do now is live that family closeness with my own family now. It's not pleasant, but it's normal to feel like that occasionally. I hope you feel better.
It amazes me how you and I have had very similar upbringings. Yes we can only make things right for our own family and bring about that closeness you didn't have as a child.
I am beginning to feel better. Thanks Maria.
In general I don't look at back and compare my life with that of my children. I was 'fortunate' enough to have a pretty carry home life, which forced me to be an independent thinker from a young age.
I do see the 100% emotional and financial support my children get and sometimes wonder how things might have been different for me, but I think my parents generation were just ill-equipped as parents and failed themselves by not changing things from how they were parented.
Unfortunately it's a spiral affect, because where parents fail themselves, they also fail their children and that's hard for any child to bear.
When we think about how things could have been different for us, we use reflection as a means of comparing one life to another and that's accepted. It's also human nature to look back and compare.
I think it's also important, because it saves history repeating itself. It's a shame parents from a previous generation fail to pick that up for people like you and me. Thanks for your post.