The house is quiet and I have more time to chill today. I love having and being in my own space. Although some things are working out, other things aren’t.

My father is back on chemotherapy when he should be taking a break, so that’s more stress for me to deal with. Cancer is a tough one, because there are no guarantees as to what the outcome will be.

I also don't want to build up my hopes that he will agree not to go down the chemotherapy route. It doesn’t stop others building up their hopes that things will work out. It's all to do with insecurities.

We may sometimes find it hard to let go of what could be the inevitable. As I quietly contemplate hope, I am also realistic. I go back to the same thoughts that I cannot change someone's path if it’s not meant to be changed.

No one wants to let go of a parent. I am sure all families live in hope that their loved ones can be saved. We tend to cling to hope until we can cling no more.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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4 comments on “More of the same”

  1. I know how you're feeling as I've been down the same road with my father and my mother. I just hang in there and still have hope for my mom because she is still young and such a strong woman.

    My father gave up after the first chemo therapy treatments didn't work. He never tried anything else. My father was a worrier and had high blood pressure from it. I should learn from him!

    We should all learn from our parents, that's what they are there for to teach us about life, but I realize not all parents have it together enough to teach their kids. Sorry I got off topic!!

    I hope things work out for you for the best for everyone.

    1. That's fine Lisa, no problem. I believe things will work out the way they are supposed to go. We'll just have to wait and see. Thank you.

  2. My wife has been battling cancer for quite some time now and we just try to enjoy the time we have and don't try to project the future.

    Death is inevitable for all of us. It's just a matter of time, so I like you have come to terms with just accepting. It calms the soul to do so.

    1. I agree with you. Finding a form of acceptance not only helps us cope with what we deal with, as you say Brian it calms us down too. It helps even more if we all work the same way.

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