"I can see that my mum’s illness created a space where she felt able to share something about my disability – something she had continued to carry with her. It wasn't right. At the time, I didn’t fully grasp the significance of her words, nor did I make any conscious connections. But that moment was enough to set me on a journey of understanding.
But I do remember thinking how unusual it was for her to speak in that way, almost as if she were trying to unburden herself. With hindsight, I realise that is exactly what she was doing. That is what it took for my journey to begin.
Mum telling me ‘it was a difficult birth’ was her bringing my disability into the equation for the first time after four and a half decades of not knowing. How do you honestly get over that?"
You're very lucky that your mother tried to come clean with you, as my mother never admitted to anything and always blamed it on my Dad.
She never shared much of anything about what our births may have been like, so we'll never really know. I never made the connection between what she went through at a state mental hospital, as far as shock treatments etc, to what we went through as children, until later on in life after dealing with my own mental health issues.
We only found out a few years before her passing that she had the mentality of a 10 year old, which made sense of so many things; but it still doesn't make up for what we went through as children.
It makes it easier to accept and be able to move on.
I never thought about it in that way. Thanks Randy. Yes, it is only when we go through our own issues that we begin to equate others' issues.
It must have been hard for you as a child to go through what you went through, around your mum who struggled with mental health issues, in the way that she did.
It doesn't change what you went through, but it does give you understanding of your life in those times. When you say, 'it does make it easier to accept and to be able to move on' yes, as long as we have the understanding.
Your mum did what she could, when she could and that is all you could ask.
She knew you would listen to her carefully considered words and that it would be the start of your journey to discovering your disability, and she is probably proudly looking down on you now, saying 'that's my girl!'
Thanks. I also believe mum will be proudly looking down on me. What she struggled to say this side of life, but I am sure she'll be saying and seeing my achievements the other side.
I agree with you, she did what she could. She put it right for me when she knew the time was right. Her knowing is something she lived with for years. It was difficult for us both.