An appointment has now been made for me on Friday to have my lesions taken off, so there’s no turning back.

I have to do this, but wish I didn’t have to. My only concern is whether the lesions will grow back. I was told by a specialist many years ago that there were no guarantees that if they were removed, they wouldn’t grow back; but for now my concern is to have the lesions on my nose taken off.

I must say that the older I am getting, the less inclined I am to do these things and although I know this is in my best interest, the idea isn’t resting comfortably with me. I know I will be fine on the day. I have had so much done in previous years, this is second nature to me; but having left all those procedures behind me, I’m really not keen to have to travel this road again.

I’m also not a brilliant healer and given the fact that I have Cerebral Palsy makes my recovery and healing time even slower. I still look at my life and wonder how I got to be so unfortunate with my health and all that I deal with, but then I tell myself that in some ways I am very lucky.

I have the ability to contemplate my thoughts and use expression in the way that I do, which helps me deal with what I have to. I know one of our characteristics is wishing that somehow our lives were different, particularly if we struggle; but I also know that if I didn’t have Cerebral Palsy this wouldn’t be my path.

I cannot change my life with Cerebral Palsy, but what I can try and do is remain upbeat about all of my challenges and I am going to try my best to achieve those. I hope I’m still saying this on Friday.

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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14 comments on “My hospital visit”

  1. I have a good feeling about this doctor and what you are going through. I am certain that you will be fine tomorrow.

    You have the innate strength to work through this.

    1. I know you are right. I have done this so many times before. Tomorrow I have every confidence I will be fine.

    1. Ria it's wonderful to see you on site. I think living with the anticipation is worse. I know you are right. Thanks for posting.

  2. Best wishes for a speedy recovery from your hospital visit. I'm sure you'll do fine once this is all done and over with. I've had it done myself so I know what it's like!

    Hang in there, you're a strong person.

  3. Staying upbeat is so important and I'm glad you are that way.

    I hope you heal well and are back to normal soon. I'm not supposed to heal well either, but I've found I heal better than a lot of people. My scars are minimal from all my surgeries... and I've always healed quickly.

    It's my determination to not let things bother me physically. Mentally is a different story sometimes.

    Good luck with everything.

    1. Thanks Lisa. I think all the preparations I did before hand has contributed greatly to my healing. I have no pain and feel fine.

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