I was mentally stronger with my twin. Without her, I am beginning to realise just how difficult life after losing her is. I never thought I’d be without her, never imagined this stage would come – where I am having to navigate my own path. It feels wrong. It feels heavy. It’s not the life I want to live.
Just putting one foot in front of the other, grieving the loss of her, navigating a life without her is difficult.
While we didn’t live in each other’s pockets, we had a twin connection. It was there in the background. If we needed to, we could rely on each other. Now, as I continue to contemplate and work through a life without her, I find myself wanting. A life — with a twin bond that neither of us had to try hard with – was just there.
I understand more now. And I don’t like it. Without being able to feel, I am unable to sense or feel her presence. Her loss has altered my emotional, mental, and physical landscape. I am dealing with depression. The bond between twins isn't just emotional, it’s foundational, it's deep-rooted. It goes back to the womb. Twin loss grief is unlike anything I’ve known. Learning to exist without her is still one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do – just putting one foot in front of the other is difficult.
I need to keep reaffirming, my twin bond remains. I need to trust in the signs that may show up, I need to trust she wouldn't abandon me. Now, with a road ahead that is uncertain, unfamiliar, I need to trust there is an invisible thread that connects us.
