Parents set the standards. So, one of the most important factors of a child’s upbringing, is what that child may be continually exposed to, from childhood into adulthood. Therefore as parents, it is important to set the right standards.
Children's influences
Children are not only influenced by their parents, but by other family members too including grandparents, aunts and uncles. As those influences can also have an impact, it is important they match the appropriate consistent standards.
Affecting children's decisions
The influences children have, will affect every decision they go on to make in their adult years. It’s fine, so long as their influences are what their parents want for their children and are positive, but not all influences are the same and those influences may cause friction if they fall below the exacting standards.
Values
Our values are what we may attach importance to, and what gives our life meaning. Other factors may include a child’s education, external influences and culture which can all play their part. Values are the building blocks and form the basis of our decisions and how we may live our lives. Our core values are the difference between right and wrong and good and bad.
External influences
Children will always have external influences, but if those influences set a higher standard than what may be set out by their parents, it can lead to family conflict. Outside influences can interfere with the parents’ role, and may in those circumstances, result in the parent having to compete for their child. Parental values are important to every child. They form the foundations for success in later years.
When it came to my mum, although she didn’t talk much about her values, she did expect us to have manners and to think about and put others first. Through my spiritual beliefs, I innately knew what to do.
Away from my anger, I was a caring and thoughtful child. I remember my younger sister acquiring a money-box and I went and got my pennies from my money-box, so she would have money to put in hers. She remembers that.
I believe our values and how we treat others are the catalyst for a more peaceful and harmonious life, couple that with empathy and tolerance and we may become better people.
I agree with this totally, especially having had the 'benefit' of a great amount of external influences throughout my married life, almost all of which has been negative and damaging.
It took a while but we learned to recognise and limit the influence and are now making efforts to repair the harm.
It will be a long process.
I think your experiences will reflect many other people's experiences, possibly in a different format, or even the same.
It seems to have become the norm. Even if some of those influences don't come from family, I think society as a whole tend to have their own take on people and their lives.
I hope things change soon.
Considering I grew up with very low standards, I have always expected the least out of life.
It has been very difficult to learn how to improve my standards so that my life is a lot better.
It would be great if I could one day feel comfortable as far as feeling like I deserve a lot better out of life.
I totally understand Randy. Our past has a lot to do with the way we live our life as an adult, but whatever your past has brought, you can change and work to your own standards now.
As children those standards are set by our parents, but as the adult we can work to make the changes we need to make that will bring about the life we want to live. It's just a matter of working it through.
It's taken me time too, but it's well worth the effort.
I grew up around my entire family. We were and still are very close. We get together at least twice a year and we live close to each other with a couple of exceptions that live out of state.
We all have the same beliefs and our grandparents did too, so we all get along great. We wouldn't mind our kids being around any of the rest of the family since we all share the same beliefs.
Love is the main thing and we are there for each other in times of need. Our nickname is "The cousins" not too original but it has stuck all these years.
It's lovely when family share the same beliefs and get on. My experiences are unfortunately the total opposite of your experiences.
Of course each situation is different; each family is different and some clearly get it right. You're lucky to have that.