I grew up in a time when parents kept their thoughts and feelings to themselves and as children we had no emotional support. No matter what they had been through as children, or young adults you never got to hear about what their trauma experiences were, or if they even had trauma. I know they had trauma and for the most part, their trauma was contained. But no matter how small or large trauma is, it is important to deal with trauma. I still continue to deal with my trauma. If you know how trauma works, it is passed through the generations. I began to connect with my trauma very early on. The message was clear: emotions were meant to be swallowed.

But sitting with trauma is cumulative. It continues to sit and ride, whether you're thinking about your experiences or not. It gets bigger and it beds in. It replicates in character, behaviour and plays out in every day life, if you're not on top of it. I cannot remember a time where I haven't had to deal with trauma.

For those who have read, or who take the time to sit with my articles, you will know and understand why I write. My trauma has roots in upbringing. We all do. Trauma doesn't just leave. My writing continues to help, but for 62 years, I've never had so much as an acknowledgment or an apology for what I was made to live through. It's not surprising trauma still continues to sit. Trauma isn't unique to me.

Losing my twin in December 2022 has added to my trauma. Her passing still lingers. The stress of my experiences around losing her over a 6-month period left me with tinnitus. That wasn't down to me. It was a period I had no control over. Two months after she passed and like a light-bulb, tinnitus was there. I remember sitting in what was our den, then when I stood up it just switched on.

When you think about tinnitus, you'd be right to think about an industrial injury, or the continual playing of loud music – but I have got it through traumatic stressed based experiences. My trauma is difficult, but the tinnitus is the most difficult. The first version of me before I lost my twin was healthier. Losing a twin isn't something you get over, it's something you eventually learn to sit and live with.

Neither of us learned how to really 'fly solo', and I still sit with the trauma without her. She would know how to help and if she didn't know how, she'd look for the answer. With tinnitus, I think she would also struggle to find the answers. Looking for answers is something else we had in common. If you are sitting through trauma, my articles and books can help.

If you would like to purchase any of my books that deal with mental wellness, please go to the following link https://www.thecpdiary.com/my-books/