We live in a world where we're right, we're never wrong, we won't back down and that’s how arguments start.
We don’t like what someone says and we take it personally. It’s not that others will always set out to criticise. Nine times out of ten when someone says something, it’s because they have a problem with something we've said, but we take offence.
On our part we’re annoyed because they've picked us up on something, because we’re not honest enough with ourselves to admit the other person may have a point and we don't want to give them the satisfaction.
They've hit a nerve. It doesn’t help us when we’re not honest with ourselves, we won’t back down, or admit they have a point. Instead it just serves to hurt us more in the long term because what's said will always leave a bad taste.
This is a helpful analysis to help us to stand back and look at a situation, rather than diving in feet first.
I do this. It is useful to look at ourselves win win any argumentative situation too.
As a child I had a tendency to do this. I was angry at my situation, the bigger picture of what I was dealing with, which was completely ignored. Emotionally it was a cry for help.
I believe though, the main reason we take offence, is because we carry emotional problems that we're often unaware of. Unfortunately all of our emotions are stored on an unconscious level, which means we're never aware of our emotions or that they're even there or that they exist until either something happens or someone says something that we take offence at.
Taking offence can damage relationships. Unfortunately I have seen that happen.
I was brainwashed from a very young child, so many times I had no idea what I was actually taking offense to!
My mother wanted us to act like "royalty" when we were living more along the lines of "poor white trash!" It's no wonder I eventually lost my mind, since I had so much noise in my head I couldn't think straight.
I know the only thing that really saved me was an innate sense of right and wrong which kept me out of a lot of trouble. People like me normally turn out to be sociopaths because we're "offended" by what we were told to be offended by.
This is the reason I think I have such trouble getting out in the world because the "old tapes" start playing and it freaks me out! People think I'm antisocial but it's more like I don't know how to deal with people at times, or what to think or how to feel!
I end up feeling like the Elephant Man, so why bother even trying to get out?
Thanks Randy. Nothing that we've left behind that we've had a problem with for so long is easy to work through. It's about changing "the old patterns," which as you rightly say keep playing back in our heads. I had that for many years before I finally took control to change my own thought process.
As a child I was always taking offence at what my family said, until I finally made the correlation some years after that, that it was me being blamed for everything because I was the only one taking offence and at the same time was always being blamed for my sibling's bad behaviour. When we're always angry it's easy for others to pass their guilt off as blame at us, because we are the ones taking offence.
It was being blamed so much that made me take back the control. I completely resonate with your response today. It becomes harder when we don't deal with what we need to deal with because we're stuck.
It takes enormous courage from all of us to change those patterns in our head, so that we don't take offence or stay stuck. What I do know, is that once you've made the move to 'change those patterns in your head' you will begin to feel so much better about your past and your life up to this point.
I try to always be truthful and if I'm wrong I will admit it and take responsibility for it. I can't stand lying and I won't do it. I've been lied to enough in my life.
Thanks Lisa. Ditto on your thoughts. If we all did this there would be no need for anyone to take offence, because we would all accept responsibility for ourselves.