I’m having a little bit of a down day and am back with my own thoughts. I think if we were to be born to parents that did everything right, we'd be one of the lucky few. I know from being a parent myself, it’s not always easy to know whether we will get the parenting thing right.
Where we think we’re making the right decisions for children, our children may think differently. And perhaps being brought up in a perfect childhood would bring other problems too.
Would we be equipped to deal with someone difficult?
Personally, I don't think we would be equipped. I have seen first hand from a friend, how difficult it can be to have had an idyllic childhood, then marry someone who is difficult.
My mother always used to say that she didn’t go to school to learn how to be a parent. Looking after a child with Cerebral Palsy meant she was less likely to be equipped, but in hindsight what she meant was, that it was okay for her to make mistakes. We have to do and give of our best always, to make sure we get the parenting thing right, disability or not.
Parents that are stressed or preoccupied, are less likely to have patience for the normal naughtiness of childhood antics. Children are more likely to get caught up in their frustrations and anger of what they deal with.
This is true for me in my childhood.
Ironic that you bring up this topic, as I was talking with a friend the other day and he was telling me of all the problems his children have ended up in as young adults and him and his wife only had the two children and raised them in an almost ideal environment. His daughter is constantly battling heroin addiction and son is having anger issues.
Meanwhile my children grew up in a less than perfect environment with my addictions and eventual diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and their mother's problems of mental health issues. My children are well functioning adults in society.
I think we learn to cope with society though experiencing adversity.
Brian you are right, being brought up in an ideal environment doesn't always give us a meal ticket to a better life because of other outside considerations, but it may help. It depends on the individual.
My parents always said they did the best they could and under the circumstances, I have to believe that's really true. My father was an alcoholic and my mother had severe mental health issues, so it was always a surprise as to what our home life would be like.
Since I have battled alcoholism and mental health issues myself, I have come to a better understanding of what they went through.
It's hard to accept, but you can't change the past, so now I try to stay focused more on the present.
Randy, you are absolutely right your parents probably did they feel they did the best for you, given their own troubles; but you understand what they went through, because you have had your own problems to deal with on all the issues you talk about here.
The past is the past and we cannot change that, but we can help change our own fate as we stay focused on a better future. Glad you're doing that.
When I look back now, I realise that my lack of parenting from my parents was probably to my advantage. As a middle child I was effectively forgotten about and left to my own devices while my parents concentrated their efforts on my older brother and younger sister. I grew up with little parental input and in a way I brought myself up.
That led to me being fiercely independent at a very young age and leaving home as soon as the opportunity arose. I have been able to look after myself for long as I can remember and have no recollection of 'being parented'.
In a way I guess I was lucky, as my parents never had chance to screw me up - I managed that all by myself!
You're probably right Brad. I like your thinking on your last paragraph. Smile!
My parents over-protected me and wouldn't let me do anything, so when I got my license I just went wild and screwed up a lot. But my parenting skills are so different than my parents. I was very protective when my daughter was a baby and then into her toddler years, but as she got older I let her make a lot of her own decisions with some guidance. Now she comes to me and tells me everything... and the words "I love you" is used everyday.
Lisa it's wonderful that you have this relationship with your daughter. As a parent it's not easy to know until they've reached their adult years how our relationship will turn out with them. It's very much a gamble, so it's great that you have that relationship now.