Cognitive symptoms

Date 8 April 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
It’s apt that my 1800th blog is about traumatic brain injury and The CP Diary was borne out of me discovering at the age of 46 that I had CP, brought about through a brain injury at birth. TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) is not tangible; you can't touch it and…
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Lost & labelled

Date 7 April 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
It’s easier if we don’t have to deal with it, therefore she can’t know. That was my life, not knowing I had Cerebral Palsy for 46 years. As I began to grow and my struggles became more obvious, they were brushed under the carpet as if they didn’t exist. I…
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When it's right to assume

Date 4 April 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
I never assume. I ask questions then I know, so then I don’t have to assume, or live with an outcome I don’t want. But there have been two enormously difficult events in my life where I felt it was right to stand back and assume an outcome and not…
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The Universe speaks

Date 2 April 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
Whether we believe in the universe and its laws is immaterial to the universe. The universe will always catch up with us on the things we ignore. The universe will always send out its signs, even if don’t understand how the universe works, or we ignore its signs. The universe…
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We need to change

Date 31 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
If others don't see an issue in their actions, they will never change. All we can do is change the way we see their actions. The deed doesn't change, but our actions to the deed will need to change, if they're not changing. For as many years as I spent…
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Rewriting history

Date 27 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
As some of us re-write history with one conversation, others will continually re-write history as a way of life. If you were to ask me what I did yesterday, I’d struggle to remember. My short-term memory is poor, but my long-term memory is excellent. I always remember conversations as if…
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Does disability define us?

Date 24 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
Does disability define us? Unconsciously, disability does, unless we choose to opt out. I have cut out a niche that doesn’t define my disability. I’m not embarrassed by it, I don’t allow myself to hide behind it and I don’t use my disability as a tool for my writing, because…
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My ups and downs

Date 21 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
It’s taken me too many years to understand why I continue to have up and down days. It has taken me too many years to understand everything there is to know about my neurological impairments and why they make me feel panicked. Because my perceptions are heightened, any issues I…
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Denial and the facts

Date 18 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
Food for thought: Living in denial will never change the facts as much as we’d like to believe they will. We can live in denial, we can shut the truth out for a finite time, but the truth will always come back. The further we drift away from the truth,…
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Running away

Date 17 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
As we continue to protect ourselves by ignoring the truth, we become more exposed than we are protected. It wasn’t so much that I was ignoring the truth, others were ignoring my truth. Until I came to piece my own life together, that was my life. It would be many…
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Closing the door

Date 12 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
I wake up with the same recurring thoughts whirling through my mind of things wronged, by those who were supposed to support and protect me, growing up. Unless we deal with and close the door on some of the older issues, we will never realistically be able to bring closure…
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It matters

Date 10 March 2015
Author Ilana Estelle
It used to bother me that when I looked in the mirror and I was standing straight, I was lopsided. I couldn’t quite get over that. Now it bothers me that I live with scoliosis and that I’ve been living with it since the age of 25, but I only…
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