Holding on

Date 1 March 2013
Author Ilana Estelle
I’ll be doing a more extended blog on this shortly, but it’s a human instinct to want to hold on to life instead of letting go and that can lead to more frustration, particularly when the person we’re trying to hold on to, doesn’t want to stay. I understand when…
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Circles

Date 26 February 2013
Author Ilana Estelle
Going round in circles springs to mind this morning, when I look at where I am with everything that’s going on. I suppose the good part is that I’ve not taken a step back, but it would be great if I could take just one step forward. I’m looking forward…
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Other people's emotions

Date 24 February 2013
Author Ilana Estelle
Every negative emotion we carry from other people are energies that if left, can potentially become our negative emotions too. Because our brains are like emotional sponges, it is even more important we challenge ourselves so that we’re not constantly being drawn into other people’s emotions, particularly if they’re negative…
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Actions and Reactions

Date 21 February 2013
Author Ilana Estelle
We’re taught that it’s okay to turn the other cheek on someone’s bad behaviour. Like it is okay for them to behave badly and for us to turn the other cheek. I remember being taught the exact thing as a child. It all comes down to the way people react…
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My feelings now

Date 20 February 2013
Author Ilana Estelle
It felt good having cleared up so many uncertainties that have been outstanding over the last few weeks and which are based around my father’s illness and although for a short while I have felt elated, I am actually feeling the opposite today. It’s often the effort we make that…
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Uncertainties more certain

Date 18 February 2013
Author Ilana Estelle
Well today hasn’t been such a bad day after all. I’ve managed to resolve all my uncertainties and feel much better about them. Unfortunately, dealing with any terminal illness brings about lots of uncertainties, so being able to resolve those are important. Of course our issues won’t always revolve around…
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Taking an emotional rest

Date 17 February 2013
Author Ilana Estelle
I’ve decided to take an emotional rest day today. I’m not thinking about anything in particular and need to just let things be. I feel okay with everything so far. If I did open my mind to think about things, I wish I had some form of closure on the stress…
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A new thought process

Date 15 February 2013
Author Ilana Estelle
I am beginning to reflect a little. I know I still need to bring closure on how I got to my cerebral palsy diagnosis. Given the fact that I will soon be no longer in a position to address this with my father, the time has come when I need…
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Hard to like

Date 14 February 2013
Author Ilana Estelle
We’ve probably all come across people where something we say that seems totally innate, will turn into a massive argument with us feeling more frustrated that we’re having to fight our corner and still we can’t agree on things. I know I have. When discussions turn When a discussion turns,…
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Negotiating stress

Date 13 February 2013
Author Ilana Estelle
I want a life that’s quiet, one that doesn’t involve having to compromise my thoughts, feelings and beliefs and where I don’t have to avoid stress for fear of becoming unwell. The problem is that if we have years of negative history with certain people and that continues, we’re likely…
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Changing circumstances

Date 11 February 2013
Author Ilana Estelle
I’ve always had something to deal with, so my circumstances changing again shortly, will be nothing new to me. The thought that one day I will lose another parent, isn’t scaring me. My father will be where he wants to be and that’s okay. Throughout this process I’ve always thought…
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Things will be easier

Date 10 February 2013
Author Ilana Estelle
I managed to sort out the problem I had yesterday and feel so much better about it. I just hate that feeling of not being in control, but I know that once things come to a head with my father, we’ll all be more at ease with everything; including dealing…
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