My life is no accident

Date 1 December 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
What I have lived through has become purposeful. My birth injury and the life I have subsequently lived wasn’t an accident. All the hardships I endured were mapped out for me long before I was born. If anyone of those experiences ...
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The last piece of the jigsaw

Date 26 November 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
The hardest thing for me is hearing the recent truth of how I got to this place. Now 11 years into my initial cerebral palsy diagnosis, there is one last piece of the jigsaw to add, that I couldn’t have foreseen or anticipated without looking ...
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Preconceptions

Date 22 November 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
Growing up, I didn’t have any preconceptions or opinions on my disability or what those meant. I had to wait until such a time I could find out what it all really meant. We owe it to ourselves I owed it to myself to understand myself ...
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On the right path

Date 18 November 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
I never thought about the right path growing up because that wasn’t my life. I also lived with a disability I didn’t know I had, it’s just how that went. It was easier to block it out, but it would never go completely. If you’re on the right path you…
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A Conversation with Mum

Date 15 November 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
At the age of 46, I began the journey of piecing together my life and understanding my disability. This process involved revisiting my past experiences with great care. I have always been sensitive to the energies of others ...
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Being responsible for ourselves

Date 10 November 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
I am not sure how old I was when I came to realise that being responsible for myself was important. Looking back it had everything to do with being left to emotionally work through a disability I didn’t know I had. Taking the ...
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An Impossible Understanding

Date 9 November 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
It's now 11 years into my unofficial diagnosis and I still think about my disability and how I got to this place. There is never a day go by where I'm not thinking about how I lived my life without knowing about my disability, trying to ...
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Feelings of Dread

Date 2 November 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
It is because I have autism that every day life is difficult. I fail to feel the highs when I achieve those and am mentally and emotionally affected by the lows. My non-euphoric life Being able to feel euphoric or elated about an ...
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Sequence of Events

Date 29 October 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
Having written about cerebral palsy for 10-years and trying to piece what I know is a disability now, I am struggling to come to terms with the enormity of being left in the dark for too many decades. It goes something like this ...
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Living in the Pandemic

Date 25 October 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
I have always looked at things positively to see how I can feel better about what I deal with and what I need to overcome. Thankfully, 8 months in and I am now feeling a little more comfortable about the pandemic. In the early ...
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We Can have Control

Date 22 October 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
Growing up, I was never encouraged to think for myself, let alone how to look after myself. It took me many years to understand my situation. I didn’t have control over something I didn't know I was dealing with, my decisions ...
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Helping us through change

Date 21 October 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
As I adjust through the pandemic, living with a disability where I am more mentally and emotionally disabled than physically, is difficult. Change is scary. I wouldn’t belittle anyone feeling scared, or who carries anxiety ...
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