Suicide

Date 12 July 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
With yet another Celebrity passing through suicide recently, I felt compelled to write about it. For us to lose someone close is difficult, but to lose someone to suicide can leave us numb and in shock. I have been touched by someone who committed ...
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My senses, explained

Date 8 July 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Sadly, dealing with Sensory Processing Disorder means that unless I have a quick resolve on an issue or challenge, my thoughts go into overdrive, or panic. Anything that involves dealing with how my senses see or deals with an issue or challenge, can makes that issue or challenge seem totally…
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No diagnosis

Date 4 July 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Having no Cerebral Palsy diagnosis meant I would always have to work out what my physical and emotional issues were. You can’t deal with symptoms, struggle all your life and not know why or what your symptoms are. Even with a diagnosis I may not have understood what all my…
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Things are clearer

Date 1 July 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
There are too many things that happened in my formative years around my neurological issues that I didn’t understand back then that I have come to understand now and feel aggrieved that those things were allowed to happen. Looking back my parents weren’t interested in changing anything. It’s also true…
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My nemesis

Date 28 June 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
I tend to often reflect situations that upset me, to see if I could have done things better or differently. That way I bring closure more easily and stop blaming myself. I know that organising my wardrobe around Claudia’s graduation wasn’t going to be easy. I still struggle with the…
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My rewired brain

Date 24 June 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Although my brain compensated as I was a baby when I suffered a brain hemorrhage, it doesn’t compensate far enough. I struggle with significant neurological impairments, but with others assuming they know what I deal with, it makes what I deal with worse, not to mention stressful. I don’t feel.…
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What we don't know

Date 22 June 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Although they say, "what we don’t know can’t hurt." In theory, of course that may be true, but it’s not realistic to think we will never know or get to find out and that when we do it won’t hurt. Finding out about anything that you didn’t know before, brings…
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How my blogs work

Date 20 June 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
I use reflection to think about everything, even when it comes to my blogs on my website, because that helps me decide what I need to write about in that moment. Being let loose on my website took some working out. Had I have known what I was letting myself…
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My frontal lobe damage

Date 12 June 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
It has always been important for me to understand my cerebral palsy symptoms. 8 years after initially finding out I had cerebral palsy, I am still finding out things about myself and why I present and act a certain way. Emotions can be broken into three categories, primary, secondary, and…
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No consolation

Date 10 June 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
The CP Diary is no consolation for how I found out about cerebral palsy. It doesn’t right a wrong, but it does allow me to have a voice, to express what I feel about my experiences, and help me turn something negative into something positive. It allows me to see…
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Overcoming the fear we feel

Date 6 June 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Walking into a room with people watching me or people walking behind me is still my biggest challenge. Clamming up also when we’re trying to talk to someone might also be hard, easy for others. But for us to overcome what scares us, we must put ourselves in that scary…
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Choosing not to forgive

Date 3 June 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
It’s taken me a long time to work this through. I wouldn’t have minded if I had been told that I couldn’t cope, I had issues, I was insecure, I couldn’t bring myself to deal with your having Cerebral Palsy. I had issues with you not being perfect. Those are…
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