Sticks and stones

Date 26 September 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
As a child growing up with anger issues centred around my physical and emotional issues, it was easy for others to blame me for something they did. If like me growing up you got blamed and weren't always believed, it's possible that you would always continue to struggle. My mum…
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I was angry, not bitter

Date 22 September 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
The neglect, my emotional and physical difficulties and not knowing I had Cerebral Palsy made me angry as a child and years on I’m still having to work through my symptoms. If I wasn’t angry, I wouldn’t have been normal. My anger made me a scapegoat for everything. It was…
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A life reshaped by diagnosis

Date 21 September 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Over the years I have documented about my physical and emotional difficulties since I started the Diary, but one of the things I go back to every time is living a life that wasn’t true. You can’t be true to yourself without knowing the truth about yourself. For 46 years…
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My Lifestyle Blog

Date 18 September 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
While each blog I write represents a new way of thinking, which moves me on to a new thought process, I can see how my blogs could leave us feeling overwhelmed, as there are 7 years of blogs to read through. There are a lot of blogs. Although a cerebral…
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Blanking things out

Date 12 September 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Blanking something out doesn’t mean the thing we have blanked out didn’t happen. Sadly, we spend a lifetime blanking experiences and conversations out, so we don’t have to remember, as we continue to live in denial over those things. I have always seen things as they are and how I…
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Not knowing & guilt

Date 8 September 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
I enjoy watching programmes that make a difference to people who need help having their homes adapted to fit their conditions and for whatever reason can’t do this for themselves. The programme also helps those who come into a diagnosis late, who struggle to be able to help themselves and…
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Taking a step back

Date 6 September 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Sometimes I need to take a step back so that I come up for air every now and again, to look at where I’m at and what I’m dealing with. It’s so important. Although my blogs show a more confident version of me, my insecurities from childhood will re-surface every…
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More on my SPD

Date 4 September 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
My Sensory Processing issues are never far away. We know that sensory process is the way in which the central nervous system of the body receives messages from the senses of the body and uses that information to act in an appropriate motor or behavioural responses. As a child, I…
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Open about my life

Date 31 August 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
I’ve always been open about what I deal with, even before The CP Diary was born. It’s my way of trying to understand, deal with and look for answers on the many issues around a disability I didn’t know I had, that weren’t being addressed. As they say a problem…
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My struggles with SPD

Date 27 August 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Out of everything I deal with, my senses bother me the most. Unless I find a resolve quickly on a particular issue, I usually have to quickly remove the issue so that it doesn’t leave me panicked, anxious and living in fear. The same thing can happen around change. Although…
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The ignorance of it all

Date 23 August 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
"A Life Lived in the Dark: Discovering the Disability I Never Knew I Had" For 46 years, I lived without knowing I had cerebral palsy. It's hard to believe. Even now, when I say it out loud or write it down – it doesn’t quite feel real. A ...
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About SPD

Date 21 August 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Sadly for those of us dealing with Sensory Processing Disorder, even if someone tells us something is going to be alright, we don't always know it's going to be alright, until we see it's alright. I am intending to write a little more about SPD, explaining how the condition can…
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