Even though a new set of circumstances can seem different, they can also feel very much the same. I know I’m not back at square one, it just feels like I am. The new operation is making me feel despondent, because I’m now working through similar circumstances to the last one.

I am not discounting the progress I've made, but my mood and despondency is telling me otherwise. Unless I have new coping strategies in place, the way I perceive my new situation will remain the same.

I must have made progress because:

  • It isn’t taking as long for me to bounce back;
  • I am beginning to see my circumstances differently and although the feelings seem the same, the situation looks slightly different;
  • I am able to regain my perspective a little quicker;
  • I’m not feeling everything’s all doom and gloom, although things still don't feel right;
  • I’m more in control now and able to say what I feel, which I didn’t manage before;
  • I’m not living with my head in a fog as much as the last time. I’m managing to eat and I am less stressed;
  • I’m standing still treading water; rather than moving back at least. Still working on working on things.

I know I have taken enormous strides to get to this place. Getting to this place is progress, so why does it feel like I'm standing still? I’m telling myself everything’s okay.

 

Ilana Estelle is a mental health and wellbeing advocate who combines educational insight with her personal experience of living with physical, mental, and emotional disabilities. She holds diplomas in Counselling, Diet and Nutrition, Nutritional Therapy, Psychotherapy and Counselling, and Stress Management. Through her writing, Ilana supports others in navigating their emotional, mental, and physical health challenges. In addition to writing for The CP Diary, her work has appeared in healthy lifestyle magazines. Ilana is also the author of three books: Cerebral Palsy: A Story – Finding the Calm After the Storm, Spirituality, Healing and Me, and Survival: The Covid Years – Time for Change.

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8 comments on “Standing still”

  1. I think it will be great if you can put this in the past.

    It's great to see that you're dealing with it; you're definitely making progress. Sometimes it's easier to just give up in situations like these.

    Reply

    1. Thanks Anne for your continued concern of me and my family. Yesterday was a very low day for me, but today I am feeling slightly more positive about everything.

      I think any operation is difficult, but the way we cope emotionally is key. I think that's what we've been struggling with. The physical healing will come in time.

      Reply

  2. Your continued positivity is a true inspiration, thanks for that. I wish you and your family all the best!

    Reply

  4. That was a very interesting posting and very informative.

    I also am happy to stand firm than to fall back but do we ever really fall back? I suppose we would if we didn't learn from previous life experiences.

    I wish the very best for your whole family through this difficult time. It sounds to me like you have a good handle on it and will come through it just fine.

    Reply

    1. Thanks Brian. I think you're right about life experiences. If we don't learn from them we will more than likely fall back.

      I am happy that I'm at least standing still! Hopefully that will change soon.

      Reply

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