I’ve spent my life living with people who carry the proverbial chip. The chip they carry seems to be permanently etched deep in their unconscious.
Unfortunately, it's not something people easily identify with so very little change is made to sort out the problem, but living with a chip eventually makes it someone else's problem. The proverbial chip is a grudge, something we find hard to let go of.
When life hands us a raw deal and the world’s out to get us, it becomes everyone’s fault but our own. When we’re angry at the world, we have the proverbial chip, a chip that’s not easily rectified. For those of us with the chip, we may get angry, may retreat and cut ourselves off. We may have little to no confidence, with self-esteem in our boots.
However, in the longer term dealing with other people is not something they can avoid indefinitely. If their feelings aren’t contained when they communicate, something they say will usually present itself in the most inappropriate way. That has been my experience.
The proverbial chip is also often associated with status. If society learned not to single people out because of their status, I think people would learn to adapt into their lives better and with each other.
It will always interfere with relationships, but it’s up to us to make sure it doesn't. The proverbial chip is bad news.
Yes, usually we will know if someone has a chip on their shoulder. They let others know even though sometimes it's not intentional. It shows in how they act and what they say.
I don't think I have a chip or have ever had one, unless it's one about my mother that basically took over the care of my daughter against my better judgement and spoiled her.
Now that my mom is gone, my daughter is forced to learn how to get along without everything being handed to her. She is having to learn to make her own way in the world and she is actually doing fairly better than I thought she would.
People with a chip need to learn to deal with it and get on with their life. It's not worth going through life with a grudge. That's a life of misery.
Thanks Lisa. My thought is that if you felt inferior because your mum had control over the handling of your daughter and you struggled with that, then you might very well have had a chip. Siblings can also make us feel like that.
Unless we have lived someone else's life, it will always be difficult to equate what they've had to go through; particularly when it comes to family dynamics. We haven't lived their life.
I do agree with you that it's not worth holding on to a grudge, particularly when we look back and see how we could have done things differently, but we have to learn how to let go and that's not so easy.
Yes, I grew up with parents who had chips on their shoulders and they blamed everyone else for their troubles.
My mother blamed everything on my father for not being able to support her in the manner she was accustomed to. My father blamed everything on her family because they had money and he always said that my grandmother had put a curse on us.
Obviously I carried on with their tradition and never took much responsibility for my own life. I made far too many bad choices because of what I perceived to be all the bad luck that seemed to happen in my life. Only now do I see that many times I didn't know any better and was only trying to do what I considered to be the right thing.
Both my parents slipped into dementia without ever really getting rid of those chips which is my biggest fear. I don't want to end up being a bitter old man who hates every moment left in his life.
It would be great if I was able to do what I can to break the cycle while I still can. I may not be able to save everyone else from the path they are following, but just as long as I can make at least a little bit of difference, I would be happy to move on to the next world!
Thanks Randy. You can. No one has to follow their parents' path. You call the shots on how you live your life. Of course it's more difficult when you've grown up in an environment around these kind of issues. You've seen a lot, but if your parents gave you something, it was not to live your life their way.
As the adult you can change how you do and perceive your own life. It can be done. I know you can make a difference for yourself.