An Impossible Understanding

Date 9 November 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
It's now 11 years into my unofficial diagnosis and I still think about my disability and how I got to this place. There is never a day go by where I'm not thinking about how I lived my life without knowing about my disability, trying to ...
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Feelings of Dread

Date 2 November 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
It is because I have autism that every day life is difficult. I fail to feel the highs when I achieve those and am mentally and emotionally affected by the lows. My non-euphoric life Being able to feel euphoric or elated about an ...
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Sequence of Events

Date 29 October 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
Having written about cerebral palsy for 10-years and trying to piece what I know is a disability now, I am struggling to come to terms with the enormity of being left in the dark for too many decades. It goes something like this ...
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Living in the Pandemic

Date 25 October 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
I have always looked at things positively to see how I can feel better about what I deal with and what I need to overcome. Thankfully, 8 months in and I am now feeling a little more comfortable about the pandemic. In the early ...
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We Can have Control

Date 22 October 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
Growing up, I was never encouraged to think for myself, let alone how to look after myself. It took me many years to understand my situation. I didn’t have control over something I didn't know I was dealing with, my decisions ...
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Helping us through change

Date 21 October 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
As I adjust through the pandemic, living with a disability where I am more mentally and emotionally disabled than physically, is difficult. Change is scary. I wouldn’t belittle anyone feeling scared, or who carries anxiety ...
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Free to Choose

Date 20 October 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
Where someone does something and it continues to be repeated without an apology and you apportion blame, it means it's warranted. You wouldn't look to blame if those you were blaming weren't responsible for the decisions ...
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Healing from Emotional Abuse

Date 13 October 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
Do we ever really get over emotional abuse? I think we can, but that depends on the circumstances and why the trust is broken. Relationships are about trust Relationships are about trust, trust is the invisible ...
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Deserving Better

Date 8 October 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
I accept I deserved better, although how I got to this place is difficult. A Quote by Jim Rohn There is a famous quote by Jim Rohn, ‘If you don’t like where you are, move, you are not a tree.’ As the adult, however hard it is to call ...
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The 'Write Offs'

Date 4 October 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
The Channel 4 documentary two part series called ‘The Write Offs’ explores Britain’s low adult literacy rates, takes 8 adults, aged between 22 and 66, and puts them through their paces, exploring their issues in depth ...
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Silence and Solitude

Date 30 September 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
Even as a child I was alone with my thoughts, having to work things out. I didn’t know about cerebral palsy or autism back then. I have always been alone with my thoughts, but I could never have known then what I now know ...
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A Positive Slant on My Life

Date 27 September 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
Living through trauma isn't easy. No matter how negative my experiences or life was, it was important I didn't sugar coat those. In terms of my mental health, it was important I was able to stay present and positive. Positive Mental ...
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