Accepting Myself

Date 5 February 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
I have never changed my resolve to know and understand what I deal with. Although it has taken time, over the years I have come to accept cerebral palsy. It doesn’t change or define who I am, if anything, it has made my ...
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Mum's Intimations

Date 4 February 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
"I can see that my mum’s illness created a space where she felt able to share something about my disability – something she had carried with her for a long time. It wasn't right. At the time, I didn’t fully grasp the significance of ...
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Free from Blame

Date 31 January 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
There was one area of my life that I continually blamed myself for and that was my failing in school. Each day was a continual battle. As I dutifully got dressed each morning, I knew it was going to be another day of ...
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Autism and Communication

Date 25 January 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
"On my struggle days I hate autism, but I know it’s still a gift. Every day as I write through my mind with free flow, I am aware that trying to find the words when I am verbally speaking to someone, is impossible. Having autism ...
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Autism and Facial Expressions

Date 23 January 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
"There are so many things I grew up with not knowing about myself, the biggest bug bear is not knowing why staring back in the mirror there was no animation in my smile, or my eyes. I had a lack of facial expression, through ...
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I Should Have Been Told

Date 16 January 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
"For every day, for every week, for every month, for every year, for every milestone, I should have been told about my disability. Being told about my disability was not a luxury I was afforded. For every struggle, for every negative ...
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My Counselling Sessions

Date 11 January 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
In my early thirties I spent many sessions in counselling not knowing I had cerebral palsy or autism. Had I have known about them both, I could have got the right help 30 years ago. Personal battles I found myself ...
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Homelessness

Date 7 January 2020
Author Ilana Estelle
We should be more hands on when we’re out and about, helping people who are homeless. I came to face to face with a homeless man who was sitting on the floor outside my local supermarket, when I was out grocery shopping ...
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Reflecting on 2019

Date 31 December 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
"It's that time of year again when I get to reflect on my blog. With a now published book behind me that has taken three and a half years to complete, I am completely at ease with everything. For me to be able to contain my thoughts ...
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Keep Your Thoughts Moving

Date 30 December 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
"As a child I was never far away from my thoughts. Even though I would often retreat, I didn’t ignore my thoughts. Ignoring my thoughts would have put me in a worse emotional and mental space: they would have ...
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Reflecting at Christmas

Date 24 December 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
It’s that time of year again – a time for reflection. I find myself deep in thought, returning to my autism diagnosis, which I learned about in January. Although it was only this year, it feels much longer, especially when ...
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My Emotional Reactions

Date 22 December 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
"I hate that autism means I have little natural animation to my smile that I show little or no emotional reaction through facial expressions to situations. I hate that I wasn't told I had autism, I hate that over the years, I have ...
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