A time for mourning

Date 9 June 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Mourning isn’t just something we do when we lose a loved one. Mourning is also for something that happens to us, something that we need to come to understand. It’s also for something we need to work through, for us to come to terms with, something we need to accept,…
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Goodnight Beautiful Bird

Date 6 June 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
While out for a walk, I came across an injured pigeon that looked to have been clipped by a car and was left injured on the pavement at the side of the road. A 'good deed' The pigeon was still breathing and although injured I didn’t really know how bad…
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Getting to grips with anxiety

Date 5 June 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
My mind isn’t settled. It comes on the back of having to continually deal with anxiety. There seems to be no reprise. It is because my emotions are impaired that I have a permanent traffic jam in my head. And although I appreciate it’s the symptoms I need to treat,…
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Why not me?

Date 2 June 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
As a child, growing up with physical and emotional difficulties, it is remarkable I never once asked ‘why me?’ Instead I told myself, it was okay to be me. I didn’t seem worried about others’ opinions. My spiritual beliefs even as a child were already part of that mindset. I’d…
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Sensory Awareness Issues

Date 29 May 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
My earliest recollection of Sensory Awareness Issues, and how this manifested itself, was when we were on holiday and the first thing mum did for me, was look at the toilet in the bathroom. I had no idea why I struggled with toilets particularly, or why the struggle was there.…
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Left in the dark

Date 27 May 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
I often wonder how anyone could ignore the very thing that would bring answers to someone who was left to emotionally fend for herself for 46 years and continue to justify that it was still okay for that person not to know. Needing to understand I seem to go back…
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My symptoms made simple

Date 24 May 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
This particular blog is the closest to explaining how my particular brain damage works. It’s not been an easy journey, but with the relevant help from Neurologists and a new understanding over the 8 years I have been writing, I understand more. Damaged 'frontal lobe' The frontal lobe section, known…
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Working on myself

Date 21 May 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
There is no getting away from the fact that I have to continually work back to try to understand how I present through the neurological impairments I was born with. I lived in a world of my own for so many years, so that I could work on myself to…
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My 'secret' disability

Date 20 May 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
There is no doubt that I would still be struggling to understand or talk about my experiences if I hadn’t started my Diary. The CP Diary is a place I come to just so that I can talk. Through my blog I feel emotionally free for the first time, having…
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The CP Diary is 8 today

Date 17 May 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
The 17th May 2010 is when it all began. What started as an inspirational tool for me to vent, has turned into so much more. It continues to be a source of daily strength for me. My website is a way for me to put my experiences into order, ticking…
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My school exams

Date 13 May 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Certain experiences trigger certain issues. My writing, has shaped who I have become, so it’s not all bad. There is no doubt that my father had high expectations. As children we learn and come to know many things about our parents. Results Day The day I received my exam results…
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Keeping thoughts in check

Date 9 May 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
I was once told by a family member that I was lucky because my cerebral palsy saved me, but it wasn’t cerebral palsy. It was my ability to dissociate and rationale in every little detail my experiences growing up, everything I needed to understand not to take my life and…
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