My predetermined life

Date 21 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
believe the life I am living was predetermined long before I was born. That the Universe selected me to live the life I’ve lived, to experience what I have, so that I may help other people. That any issues I have to deal with around family, are also there to…
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Mind Games

Date 14 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Mind games would be a more appropriate term to describe how my disability played out over the years, particularly as there were times I had intimated that I wanted to talk about it. That I wanted to know what was wrong with me. For years, manipulative behaviour was used back…
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Low self-esteem

Date 10 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
As a child growing up with a disability I didn’t know I had, ‘I got on with it.’ Although I hated not being able to function normally and with no emotional support, something inside of me just knew this wasn’t about me. That became the driving force behind my thinking.…
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Playing it safe

Date 7 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Growing up I learned to play things safe, primarily because I wasn’t encouraged to think for myself, or outside the box. I also learned late that we don’t have to continue to experience things in a way that others may dictate. We should be proactive and assertive for that to…
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In my naivety

Date 5 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
When I didn’t know about my diagnosis as a little girl, I grew up thinking I’d feel better with a diagnosis, because then I would at least know what was wrong with me. Being naive My being naive, I thought it would close that chapter of my life, but now…
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My Autism Traits

Date 1 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
For those of us with autism, we know how our symptoms present, but for others who don’t understand, they may have their opinions of how socially awkward we are. For me, it’s interesting being able to read about other people’s experiences with autism, because it helps me feel less alone.…
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A change of path

Date 29 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
I don’t get to change my life up the point of finding out I had Cerebral Palsy at the age of 46, but I do get to reflect on a few things. It was assumed I wouldn’t amount to much; I wasn’t expected to have aspirations. My life was mapped…
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A measure of love

Date 25 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
My early thoughts are at the forefront of my mind. I am okay with that because it enables me to revisit conversations. As children we don’t know we’re loved, until we’re told we are. Some parents may be good at expressing how they feel, other parents may be more practical.…
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Reaching an acceptance

Date 22 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
When parents don’t talk about something their child needs to know about, they are actively making a response that will inevitably have connotations and a ripple effect throughout that child’s natural life. Where you’re born with something wrong and you know something’s not right and your emotional needs aren’t met…
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A question of respect

Date 21 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
This was on my mind today. It’s something I come back to, because when someone close to you demands respect and you tell them that respect is supposed to be earned that it’s something we’re not entitled to have just because we demand it. Age isn’t a reason to be…
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Prejudice about disability

Date 17 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Being born with a disability means it's never far away from me emotionally. Embarrassment and guilt are the two main reasons why there is stigma around disability. In the 1960s, when I grew up, disability wasn't something talked ...
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More layers to the jigsaw

Date 16 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
I still can’t stop thinking about how I got to this place. Not only was my ‘foot drop’ not referred to in any of my medical notes, but I have now learned that I have it because of a difference in leg length, and a paralysis. I have always known…
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