My missing records

Date 15 July 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
A back to back personal blog, but this was very much on my mind today. All my blogs are based on an experience, around a memory, stretching as far back as a little girl. Being aware of early conversations It will come as no surprise then for me to recall…
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My Hemiplegic Symptoms

Date 14 July 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
As a toddler I was originally incorrectly diagnosed with spastic monoparesis, because I have two limbs affected, not one. Since I started my Diary, it’s often been difficult to uncover the official correct diagnosis, but feel I have managed that now. First discovering at the age of 46 that I…
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My Beautiful Mind

Date 10 July 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
I find it comforting that my weird but beautiful mind is the reason I am able to articulate my thoughts in the way that I do. When Chris Packham, A BBC Natural History Presenter, talked about his traits in his television documentary, commenting that he wouldn’t be as successful as…
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Not a textbook case

Date 6 July 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
When it comes to disability, and a diagnosis, we need help with understanding how the symptoms to the diagnosis will manifest itself in every day life. Disability is not your typical 'book case' Unless you’re a typical text book case, doctors and consultants have no idea how someone with a…
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A little too late?

Date 3 July 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Sometimes there are things that are a little too late for us to make amends. When anything becomes too late, the events that should have taken place move on, as do those we’re in touch with, as ‘my story’ shows. For anyone with potential new findings, a different thought process…
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Feeling irritated

Date 29 June 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Although subconsciously I always wanted to know what was wrong with me, up until mum became terminally ill and ‘she said it was a difficult birth’ I never consciously thought about it. Perhaps I had already resigned myself to the fact that I knew it wasn’t an option, whilst my…
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Getting a Grip on Anxiety

Date 25 June 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Not knowing I struggled with anxiety throughout my childhood years is the hardest thing I’ve had to come to terms with, knowing why has made it all the worse, because it’s something I know I will always struggle with. Anxiety Although being aware that I deal with anxiety helps to…
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The counselling scenario

Date 22 June 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Going into counselling when you have no idea what’s wrong with you doesn’t help you understand your life, let alone make for a productive counselling session. Why counselling didn't work Counselling was never going to work for me, because the very thing I needed to know that tied my life…
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Travel and Chronic Illness

Date 18 June 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
There is no getting away from the fact that I deal with a chronic and acute illness. I tend to have to work at staying well, because I am not guaranteed wellness. When it comes to travel, any road trip or holiday feels like a burden. It can also feel…
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My Education

Date 16 June 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
I remember having an intelligence test as a child because doctors needed to work out whether I was mentally retarded. It is not a word they use today, thankfully. My 'special needs' test The test I should have been given was a standardized intelligence and standardized adaptive skills test, based…
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A break from the norm

Date 12 June 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
On Saturday morning I posted my blog as usual, by Saturday afternoon I was off line and I felt panicked. I am now pleased The CP Diary is back on line. With no break in blogs for the last 8+ years, missing a day on my website, I was gutted.…
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Reinforced Insecurities

Date 10 June 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Deep-rooted emotions will always affect how we feel and our energy, therefore it is important to think about issues that are making us unhappy and deal with those. We are responsible for 'us' No matter how we feel, the buck stops with us. We need to be responsible for our…
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