A change of path

Date 29 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
I don’t get to change my life up the point of finding out I had Cerebral Palsy at the age of 46, but I do get to reflect on a few things. It was assumed I wouldn’t amount to much; I wasn’t expected to have aspirations. My life was mapped…
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A measure of love

Date 25 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
My early thoughts are at the forefront of my mind. I am okay with that because it enables me to revisit conversations. As children we don’t know we’re loved, until we’re told we are. Some parents may be good at expressing how they feel, other parents may be more practical.…
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Reaching an acceptance

Date 22 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
When parents don’t talk about something their child needs to know about, they are actively making a response that will inevitably have connotations and a ripple effect throughout that child’s natural life. Where you’re born with something wrong and you know something’s not right and your emotional needs aren’t met…
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A question of respect

Date 21 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
This was on my mind today. It’s something I come back to, because when someone close to you demands respect and you tell them that respect is supposed to be earned that it’s something we’re not entitled to have just because we demand it. Age isn’t a reason to be…
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Prejudice about disability

Date 17 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Being born with a disability means it's never far away from me emotionally. Embarrassment and guilt are the two main reasons why there is stigma around disability. In the 1960s, when I grew up, disability wasn't something talked ...
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More layers to the jigsaw

Date 16 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
I still can’t stop thinking about how I got to this place. Not only was my ‘foot drop’ not referred to in any of my medical notes, but I have now learned that I have it because of a difference in leg length, and a paralysis. I have always known…
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Changes along the way

Date 13 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Nothing in my life was ever going to change unless I changed and that’s pretty much how things worked out. Where there are problems with parents, it is inevitable the children will struggle. We will always live the life we live unless we work to change our lives. I could…
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My greatest success

Date 12 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Finding out about what I was dealing with, that I never imagined I would know this side of life, and starting The CP Diary are part of my personal success. I set up my own secretarial business putting my office and admin skills to good use. I did that for…
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Redressing the balance

Date 8 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
I have never got over my education. Emotionally I was struggling with the fact that I felt I had failed in school. I couldn’t emotionally move on because no one else was taking responsibility, so I carried the guilt. My school reports I had already thrown my school reports away…
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College and Early Work Years

Date 6 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Having struggled through school and feeling I’d failed, I went to college and continued to fail. College was a continuation of my school years. An education fail My parents keeping my diagnosis and symptoms from the very institution that could have helped me, my education was always ...
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My early life

Date 5 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
In some of my Cerebral Palsy blogs, I have touched on various issues around the condition itself, but I haven’t talked about how visible it was when I was a child, or how my disability was ignored. My anger issues It would go on to take me 48 years to…
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Our Entrance and Exit

Date 2 March 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Some of us will be affected by our early years more than others. Through our background, environment and experiences, we may emotionally struggle. Our earlier experiences shape how we will go on to behave. That can be no excuse for bad behaviour. It’s a parent’s duty to show children moral…
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