My Kenophobia symptoms

Date 8 May 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Looking back on my symptoms over the years, it’s obvious I have been dealing with stress and anxiety since I was a small child and they're something I continue to deal with. Kenophobia I have also been dealing with symptoms very similar to Kenophobia and have been since my mid-thirties.…
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My Over-Compensating Senses

Date 5 May 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
If I woke up tomorrow without Cerebral Palsy, I wouldn’t be able to write in the way I do now and therefore wouldn’t have my website. Because of my specific neurological differences, where some of my senses have over-compensated, I can now write. When the senses are impaired, the brain…
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Joining the dots

Date 1 May 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
A good friend of mine commented in one of his responses that my blogs helped him maintain a firm grip on life and although my blogs help me because they are based on my own thoughts and experiences and that helps bring about closure, it is slightly different for me.…
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My anxiety struggles

Date 29 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
I have always dealt with anxiety ever since I was a small child and no one thought to ask the question, or do anything about it. What I didn’t know was that my anxiety was because of neurological difficulties brought about through damage to my cerebral cortex, the part of…
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Understanding 'Write & Burn'

Date 25 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
There is a Shamanic Teaching, which teaches us that it’s important to release ‘the old’ so that we can invite in ‘the new.’ The enormity of being kept in the dark for 46 years still weighs heavily. Although I have already written a blog about the ‘Write & Burn letter’…
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Making your own difference

Date 22 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
On the 17th May 2018, The CP Diary will be 8 years old and into its 9th year. Never having missed a blog, I still continue to blog. I’ve moved on emotionally with my life since those initial days. Through my writing, I have proved that through a history of…
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My predetermined life

Date 21 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
believe the life I am living was predetermined long before I was born. That the Universe selected me to live the life I’ve lived, to experience what I have, so that I may help other people. That any issues I have to deal with around family, are also there to…
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Mind Games

Date 14 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Mind games would be a more appropriate term to describe how my disability played out over the years, particularly as there were times I had intimated that I wanted to talk about it. That I wanted to know what was wrong with me. For years, manipulative behaviour was used back…
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Low self-esteem

Date 10 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
As a child growing up with a disability I didn’t know I had, ‘I got on with it.’ Although I hated not being able to function normally and with no emotional support, something inside of me just knew this wasn’t about me. That became the driving force behind my thinking.…
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Playing it safe

Date 7 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
Growing up I learned to play things safe, primarily because I wasn’t encouraged to think for myself, or outside the box. I also learned late that we don’t have to continue to experience things in a way that others may dictate. We should be proactive and assertive for that to…
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In my naivety

Date 5 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
When I didn’t know about my diagnosis as a little girl, I grew up thinking I’d feel better with a diagnosis, because then I would at least know what was wrong with me. Being naive My being naive, I thought it would close that chapter of my life, but now…
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My Autism Traits

Date 1 April 2018
Author Ilana Estelle
For those of us with autism, we know how our symptoms present, but for others who don’t understand, they may have their opinions of how socially awkward we are. For me, it’s interesting being able to read about other people’s experiences with autism, because it helps me feel less alone.…
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