Closure on particular issues

Date 23 November 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
It becomes a revelation when you come to understand something you thought you would never understand but you do; it’s also cathartic, if a hard pill to swallow. I also think it makes it easier when we understand because it helps us draw a line under our understanding, even if…
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More neuro symptoms

Date 19 November 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Because my parents didn’t ask questions about my neurological symptoms, I am still having to piece those symptoms together through various medical notes. It’s a disorder that affects my emotions, self-control, memory and my ability to learn. Certain triggers I have mentally, have affected developmental factors over the years, which…
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A processing deficit

Date 17 November 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
I have always been happy for others to make their own decisions, but it’s the effect of their decisions that can sometimes interfere with my Sensory Processing. Because the sensory information is not processed properly or sent to the appropriate part of my brain, causing a neurological traffic jam, other…
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What was meant to be

Date 12 November 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Although each blog forms an experience, writing about my disability, referring to my emotional and physical difficulties, not being addressed, explained or dealt with makes it even more difficult. Being a parent myself, it’s not easy to comprehend that this was my life. I find it hard to believe that…
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Falling into line

Date 9 November 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Sadly, not knowing I had Cerebral Palsy, let alone neurological impairments, meant that I would always struggle to understand how to function normally in my life and in relationships, because of my neurological impairments. There is no getting away from that. It also meant those close to me would come…
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A life ignored

Date 5 November 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
When a child is taken to the family doctor, who then arranges a specialist consultation for that child that child then sees a specialist who then reports that child’s condition back to the family doctor. The family doctor then informs her parents, who don’t say anything. They take that child…
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It's not about control

Date 3 November 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Dealing with sensory impairments means I overthink things, where things seem normal to everyone else. Wanting to know about things that will help settle my thoughts is never about control, or wanting to control other people’s decisions, it's about wanting myself settled. It’s about me being in control of my…
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My adult challenges

Date 30 October 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Having significant neurological impairments where my emotions are mainly affected, means I can be immature. My neurological emotional impairments having stunted my emotional growth. Where our milestones help us understand and adapt to the next stage of our lives, I missed out on all mine. As a result, I haven’t…
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Feeling a fraud

Date 26 October 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Watching George Michael’s ‘Freedom’ documentary drew me straight to my own set of circumstances and how I felt growing up without knowing about my disability and having to continually struggle. In one part of the documentary George talks about how hiding his sexuality made him feel fraudulent. My not knowing…
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My different world

Date 22 October 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
Because I deal with neurological impairments, all new circumstances are difficult, some of which I shy away from, some of which I go into with trepidation, anxiety and uncertainty, primarily because I have no choice. If my new circumstances don’t visually look or feel right, it’s easy for me to…
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Staying truthful & honest

Date 19 October 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
I don’t see the point of not being honest about our experiences. What we experience is what we experience. Not being honest or recounting our experiences differently, doesn’t help us. It also won’t change the experience or outcome. In some respects being honest can make life easier, potentially harder in…
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How we respond to my blog

Date 18 October 2017
Author Ilana Estelle
The CP Diary is my journey of self-discovery and the belief I have in myself. I continue to draw confidence as I continue to write. Although my blogs reinforce my own struggle through my experiences, they may also bring a different thought process for others depending on what they deal…
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