The injustice of it all

Date 30 April 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
There’s a photograph of me as a child that I often find myself peering at. I don't know how old I was but I must have been about 8 or 9, sitting on a chair on my knees in a blue and white gingham dress with our back garden behind…
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Shutting Down

Date 26 April 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
I have always known I emotionally shut down, but perhaps withdrawal feels more accurate. I withdraw when sensory input becomes too much, where there is too much negativity, too many decisions to deal with and too ...
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A Lifetime of Disbelief

Date 23 April 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
Given the depth of hurt and unnecessary suffering, it’s no surprise that the same thoughts keep circling in my mind. They are shaped by my experiences, and letting go of them isn’t easy. I still struggle to understand the ...
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More on My Cerebral Palsy

Date 22 April 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
It's 56 years into a disability I didn’t know I had, and there are new things that I am needing to come to terms with. Even though I didn't know anything about an affected left arm until I got my cerebral palsy diagnosis, my ...
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Ignorance isn't Bliss

Date 19 April 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
"I would have to question whether ignorance is bliss. I guess the answer is whether not knowing about something is something you can live with. I couldn't live with it. My Diary is the reason I know about my disability, but don't let ...
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Holding a Candle to Someone

Date 11 April 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
Autism allows me to see the world in black and white. I see the good, the bad, and the uncomfortable truths exactly as they are – without distortion or sugar-coating. Where others may overlook or excuse certain ...
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My Accomplishments don't Compensate

Date 8 April 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
"Although my experiences form the basis of my blog and without being able to draw on those there would potentially be no blog, my accomplishments can never make up for the trauma and neglect, I've had to ...
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Seeing What's in Front of Us

Date 6 April 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
Not knowing I had autism as a child and growing up knowing nothing about what I had, later learning it was a physical and mental disability, made it more difficult for me to notice or understand my physical and ...
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Juggling Feelings Around

Date 2 April 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
"Because I am trying to juggle so many feelings around, my head feels like it's stuck in a vice. I can’t multi-task on my thoughts. I've been putting new re-edits for my manuscript together, while continuing to write and run ...
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Understanding Motives

Date 30 March 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
When we take the time to look into another person’s soul and truly understand them, it becomes clearer why they make certain choices. However, forgiveness isn’t always guaranteed – it depends on the nature of ...
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Unintentioned Decisions

Date 27 March 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
When we take the time to understand a person's motives and intentions, it becomes easier to make sense of their actions. Reading between the lines and reflecting on our experiences can bring clarity and deeper understanding ...
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Ignoring Issues

Date 23 March 2019
Author Ilana Estelle
I could have ignored not knowing what was wrong with me, later learning it was a disability. I could have told myself ignorance is bliss, I’m probably better off not knowing because the truth will hurt – but the bottom line is ...
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